If you are a spouse going through a separation or divorce and your spouse is a service member, then you know exactly what I am about to share with you, or at least are likely starting to see what I will mention here.
The military is set up in a way that is suppose to regulate the conduct of its members. But what do they do when the family unit is no longer effective? Yes indeed there are regulations for that too. Or is there? You will be the one to decide.
Everyone knows a service member gets allotments (extra money) for housing and service dependents. Although the amounts vary from one scenario to the next and can vary based on whether you live off base or not, the idea is generally the same. The military doesn't want their service members struggling for housing and to take care of their families while they are working and "serving their country". We don't need to get into semantics of how much or on what basis, but here is a webpage where you can get the idea yourself in regards to how much "extra" a person will receive just in BAH. Feel free to play around with this handy little calculator the Department of Defense has available online and figure it out for yourself:
This is where it gets a bit confusing. There is no one uniform regulation as to how much IF EVER a person is suppose to give to their other half should they separate. However, each branch has their own guidelines.
US NAVY
The Navy actually has made things simple for everyone (MILPERSMAN 1754-030) available online:
AND, it's even a court martial offense in BLACK & WHITE to evade your familial obligations. Go Navy!
But only provides a chart as a basic guideline for a "complaining family member". Funny that little phrase is almost funny until you realize what that means.
US ARMY
Simple enough I would say- Love how simple this is!
US Coast Guard
Coast Guard? Coast Guard is pretty simple but not really spelled out as simple as the Army or Navy HOWEVER, they do add a percentage % of the base pay to the calculations as going to the spouse.
*Note: the link in that snapshot taken from a Coast Guard resource is now a redirect invalid link
US MARINE CORPS:
* Equal proportionate amounts per family member- Fairly simple
US AIR FORCE
AFI 36-2906 : There are NO AMOUNTS SET- they are "expected to provide adequate financial support"
* Broken Link in snapshot
As you can see from the snippets taken from Military website resources, EVERY Branch of the Armed Forces BUT the Air Force has strict guidelines as to how a service member is to "handle his/her affairs" meaning literal affairs NOT "extra-marital affairs". Financial affairs are extensive but every person has their obligations and they must adequately provide- except in the Air Force.
So who determines what is "adequate"? Base Command? No, sorry but the black and white clearly says Base Command cannot make that determination or definition of what they "feel is adequate". Therefore, if a service member of the Air Force suddenly decides to kick you out, have you removed, or have you painted a stain on the base, you essentially can turn homeless in only moments with a snap of a finger, a dial of the phone, or a repetitious act of ongoing harassment all done from a cushy work chair. You want a recipe for disaster? There it is...Welcome to the Air Force Boys and Girls...
I believe Financial Abuse is far more common in the Air Force because there really is no expectation of true ethical morale that is upheld from one person to the next. Because there is no black and white for Air Force Spouses to seek protection, the abuse goes farther than the eye can readily see because there is no black and white regulation saying the alternative for failing to support their dependent is a court-martial.
If a service member in the armed forces for all branches refuses to support their family with all they get paid, there are actions you can take, but certainly not the avenue command will give you. They receive the BAH and the dependent pay to be used on dependents and their monthly needs in addition to their base pay.
Go for the jugular boys and girls- it's still pay fraud. Do your duty and report them! You want a legal way to prove a point that your now ex is a financially abusive asshat- report them for failure to support by means of improper allocation and assignments fraud. They receive that money to support their family. If they're not doing that- file the fraud claim. Now I stress this as a person because all it takes is reading the policies in print. I'm not a lawyer, nor do I need to be one to know what is in BLACK & WHITE. You read what you see and You do the math. Don't go running to that special JAG office on base expecting them to help you. No sirree, that is what they will not do. They are there to serve the service, not you and your "complaints".
Ah yes, that magical phrase "complaining family member" comes out to the forefront. You are now a burden to the service and not a compliant silent spouse willing to do whatever at the beck and call of the service. You are now a nuisance. Sorry, I said it. I love the Armed Forces. But what I don't like is the way the average spouse is treated simply because of the fiduciary breakdown of the marital contract. The Air Force takes the crown here in reigning over all financial abuse and little to no consequences for this act of intimate terrorism.
Lines I am often told by Air Force Wives:
"It will be okay, he'll come around and do what is right"
"It will be okay, I'm sure their first shirt will do something"
"They can't seriously be allowing me to go homeless and he gets to keep the house and I can't even have my clothes"
"I don't understand how they can just let him kick me out of base housing"
"I'll talk to the first shirt and MAKE him turn back on the phones and the car insurance"
"I can't be homeless, he can't do that"
I have been contacted by thousands of spouses identifying these very problems. The very issues are not isolated to any one branch or even to just the USA. I've had global contacts reach out from Alaska, Japan, Germany, Russia, France, Brazil,the UK, Africa, AND MORE and the stories are generally the same. How do you wipe tears through a computer screen and tell someone to get home and to get away as fast as they possibly can? These are the stories of US Service Member families. Don't tell me this isn't happening when men and women across the world are contacting me saying this financial abuse is happening to them and base commands don't care.
Shut off the utilities? Shut off the car insurance? Shut off the phones? Stop paying the car payments? Closing Bank Accounts? Calling the banks and other financial institutions telling them to remove a spouse from being an authorized disclosed party to even talk to? How about removing them from credit cards? Cutting up debit cards to bank accounts? Changing Beneficiaries on Thrift Savings Plans or removing the spouse altogether? Am I getting warm yet?!!!
Imagine you are the person at the grocery store buying diapers, wipes, and formula, and you be the person told your accounts don't work. Now are you pissed off yet? No, not yet? You should be outraged. If by all of that you still don't get it, then you my dears are a really f****d up individual that needs psychological help and a psych assessment to lack any empathy for what a person goes through in that very moment. No diapers for their infant? No wipes to clean their bottoms? No food in the fridge after a spouse runs off for weeks or months and doesn't come home? No baby food? No clothes that fit anymore because it's been weeks since the spouse came home to even check on anyone? Are you angry yet? No? Get professional help! No person in the service should still be in the service if they are capable of this very heinous act. Be mindful- these are court-martial offenses. Read the Uniform Code of Military Justice- I have- you can too. Who knew it could actually be a criminal offense to be an asshole?!
These are the common tales of financial abuse of a service member spouse that no one wants to speak about. Or how about the drag along spouses that go overseas as a loving and loyal spouse? Imagine being in a foreign country and this happens to you. How do you get home? Who in command do you cry to in order to go home? Don't have those answers? Maybe a back up plan needs to be put in place before any service member is allowed to take their family overseas. There is no one step effective fail-safe. I have yet to find any single universal policy that protects the spouse if the service members abandons their familial obligations. Sure you can go to the State Department and ask for immediate help to get home, but then who becomes indebted to the government to pay that hardship travel back- that's right YOU ARE!
The tales continue on and on. The part that is the most abhorrent factor is that although the damages vary from branch to branch, the common traits are always the same. An Air Force Service Member CAN & WILL become financially abusive because the saddest part is there is next to no punishment for it. "Maltreatment" of a spouse is simply a name on an FAP register and means crap-squat in the civilian world. I see the tales spread across this nation that cry the same tears- in court the judges don't care because they are almost all "no fault divorce states". They don't want to hear about the drama and frankly, they don't care. And to be more frank about it, the average $193k salary they get, well they have a quota to meet to keep their job- you mean nothing on that $193k totem pole.
Family Advocacy Offices themselves although not to be blamed directly, they do have a hand in the ongoing abuse when maltreatment and ABUSE occurs because they have a system developed to keep away family problems from the service. In essence, they are there to keep the spouses and children in the homes with their abusers if they can honestly say they are attending to the issues with attempt to resolve. The relationships developed between Child Protective Service Agencies, bases, and local law enforcement are not there to address financial abuses, even if they result in abuse or neglect down the road. An FAP treatment manager can actually be told and directed to not speak with certain spouses or children and to not do anything to help them either. They can and are often told to not interact with the "complaining family member" once a reasonable feasible solution is found. I have heard this from a Family Advocacy person's mouth myself. Abuse is common and has little to no recourse because NOTHING forces a service member to participate in resources.
The only person that needs to care is you. Empowerment begins within yourself and you don't have to accept this behavior from anyone. Educate yourself and seek civilian resources. STOP depending on the service to take care of you. The only guarantee you have is in the mirror.
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