A Veil of Silence: Stalking and Abuse Victims at Military Bases

A California woman has been fighting to get a divorce from her military husband and the nearby base in the last 30 months to no avail, and has finally months ago succeeded in obtaining a copy of the military-issued no-contact order, but not without a long, drawn-out fight alleging many flaws in the lack of support and follow-through for domestic abuse victims seeking assistance from base resources, where such resources exist as required by law.  What started as a divorce in civil court has turned into a divorce with the military, instead of a divorce only with her soon to be ex-husband.

For purposes of this series of military violence exposés, this woman’s name will until further notice remain anonymous as an alias as will all other names involved who have perpetrated wrongdoing.  This woman has experience retaliation in both her family court case as well as within her own community in addition to acts being committed against her or toward her by personnel on base.  However, I thoroughly create a disclaimer that when the time comes, the woman’s name will be released as will all other names, perpetrators or other persons responsible or party to any ongoing process.  Authentic interviewees shall have their names preserved for credibility purposes- anyone could try to declare the people don’t exist, however those who know them would know otherwise. I also will not speak on anything I have not also witnessed myself in some way, or by and through my research and information searching on these issues.  Direct confidential informants will however remain anonymous.

Lacy Wilson is just one of many women statewide who suffer from domestic abuse, but the legal gridlock with the military is the only thing blocking her path to freedom and safe custody of her children. After fighting for nearly a year to obtain a copy of a military-issued protective order, Wilson sought to social media petitions to share her story, hoping to help other victims from enduring the same fate of facing constant roadblocks to justice.

“This story really isn’t about me, per se, but rather, I just need to get the word out there, in case there are other women who are married into abusive relationships and married into the military system that just doesn’t seem to help them,” she said.  “So far, I am shocked to find out that I am actually not alone in my plight, but actually there are many female and male spouses who are falling to the same pattern behavior happening at very isolated bases across the country.”

The difference between individuals attempting to get a divorce in the civilian world versus the military world, said Wilson, is the fact that if there are spousal problems, she’d have no problems getting reports from a police department or any law enforcement agency investigating into any and all domestic issues.

“In the civilian world, if I were to say something’s happening, authorities will give me reports, records anything that documented all incidents,” she said. “But in the military, they’ll tell me they can’t give me records, saying that it violates confidentiality of their service member, codes and a whole slew of excuses, but it shouldn’t be that way, because I am the victim by law.  I feel that the outcry on social media with an online petition made, I am truly finding my own voice and speaking out about the atrocities of what is my life- investigations have commenced at the hands of third parties that were brave enough to come forward.  While I am hopeful that a prosecution of some kind will occur and finally result in justice for my children enduring and witnessing abuse, I am still fearful of the final outcome based on the last nine almost ten years of red-tape technicalities not holding someone accountable for their criminal actions.”

Wilson’s story began when she first toyed with the thought of beginning the divorce process from her husband. To her dismay and shock through this tumultuous process, but after their divorce separation began by nearly a year, the military issued a no-contact order protecting her from her husband.

The reason for the military protective order, she said, was to protect her both on and off base, however, in the civilian world, no law enforcement agency or court will enforce this “order”, as experienced over the past 19 months.

“To be honest, I didn’t even ask for it—it was issued because there were reports of my husband threatening to kill me, and to dismember me,” she said.  “Others have reported him, and so the commander issued a no-contact order, so we thought, alright, we’re getting somewhere,” said Wilson. “This was back in March 2016. I at first didn’t know what the no-contact order was, and I had to figure it out for myself. I reached out to his "first shirt", which is a title nickname given to their immediate supervisor, for more information, and then my calls all went unanswered from then on, meaning they were not very cooperative in follow-through.  I was actively given the run around many times.”

However, she knew she needed a civilian restraining order to protect herself outside the base. Wilson does not live at the military base, and neither does her husband. Without a civilian restraining order, nothing protects her while she lives in a private residence in a small city and nothing stops law enforcement or anyone else from arguing that it is just such a small city with only so few roads to travel on- after all it must just be a coincidence- NOT!

IS THIS CLOSE ENOUGH TO BE COINCIDENCE? 

GREEN GEO METRO SWERVING IN TRAFFIC 2 CARS BACK?

<<<<<<<<<<<<< GREEN GEO METRO RACING                                                                               FROM AT LEAST 6 CAR LENGTHS TO "CATCH UP" SWERVING IN AND OUT OF LANES LEFT TO RIGHT GETTING CLOSER AND CLOSER...

A DK BLUE/NAVY BLUE LINCOLN TOWNCAR... 

RIGHT BEHIND!

WHEN WILL IT STOP?  >>>>>>>

Essentially, Wilson felt like she not only was working to get a divorce from her husband, but rather, the military as well. In fact, she was fighting for years before that to seek help, resources, and assistance through on base resources.  The base has refused thus far to release any abuse reports, even to have them released to her directly.  In a civilian process, things would be much more efficient and less difficult of a victim.

“Picture it like this: if a civilian woman and I were side-by-side, trying to get a divorce from our partners, we just don’t have the same rights under domestic violence,” she said. “I am continually fighting to get abuse reports released and likely will forever until I do get them, and the likeliness is I will be retaliated against and I’ll be punished by the civilian courts for saying that I’m lying about these abuse allegations, whereas the civilian woman would walk away with full custody of her children after providing records that are provided to her by law—I can’t get copies of reports like other women can and law enforcement off base cannot and will not enforce a base order.  My rights off-base are simply not the same as a normal civilian and requesting to have the same rights applied is resulting in even more red-tape simply because my husband is a military service member and they choose to defer all matters to the military to handle.  It is a vicious cycle and the civil police no longer treat me like a real victim would be treated.”

While she doesn’t need either of those two orders to get a divorce specifically, she needs one or the other for child custody purposes, to prove spousal and child abuse, but without the base giving her a copy of the MPO at the time of issuance, or releasing other records, she cannot prove her case that domestic abuse is occurring, or that her life is being threatened every day, on a weekly basis or even monthly.

“Nobody would help me, talk to me, because I had no proof, without that copy of the no-contact order,” said Wilson. “I’m saying that this is a violent man, and I’m asking for a divorce, and they’re telling me no. I can’t get a civilian restraining order unless I have that copy of the military’s no-contact order.  Basically, I’m saying there’s a problem, they ask what it is, and I say that I can’t show them. I’m getting pushed back constantly. He has so many restraining orders filed against him, including my Family Advocacy Treatment Manager (which oversees all treatment of physical and emotional maltreatment cases) and two of my Domestic Violence Advocates.”  Upon records information received, this man has had multiple restraining orders during the course of his career, across different bases, fourteen that I have counted thus far, which are based on documentation left behind in the home in addition to what was informed of by her advocates, of which Mrs. Wilson did not even know about the majority of them, among many other offenses committed during the course of his ongoing service, including to a prior spouse or partner.

“The Base knows about all this, they have complaints and reports, but they’re still not holding him accountable,” said Wilson. “I rarely leave my house because I’m scared to but at the same time I have to leave because isolating myself is one of the first mistakes people tell you to avoid making- make sure you have an alibi at all times and try not to be alone.”

“The court didn’t issue a civilian no-contact order because the military hadn’t said there’s been any MPO filed,” said Wilson. “I report that there’s abuse happening in my life, and the court will ask me to prove it, but I can’t, because the military hadn’t issued any reports to me and they refused to.”

“I just want out—but there’s nothing I can do. Any time I report an incident to the court, it’s seen as an allegation, or a lie. I can’t do anything to protect my kids—how do I prove that there’s a restraining order, when I can’t show one?  What looks like really just a letter is ignored in court and not taken seriously by anyone I encounter.  I’m not only ignored in court when I speak out, I am literally demeaned and retaliated against and punished for speaking out more.  Now I feel like I have no choice to speak out completely because if I back off now, then they will only say I was lying the whole time.  To back out now would paint either false allegations or weakness of character.  The only reason I continue to speak out is because the Judge himself has penalized my children for my speaking out by limiting the amount of contact I have with them, when as a civilian wife, I would have been issued a restraining order and by California Family Codes, I would have most likely been issued primary custody and some kind of protection plan restricting conduct.  Most certainly, my husband would not have been permitted to stalk me whenever he pleases.”

The local Superior Court has denied Wilson’s request for a civilian restraining order more than once, as indicated by public records.  However, I will strenuously emphasize that there have been subpoenas requested of which the judge themselves specifically crossed out and denied Mrs. Wilson the ability to get any and all records from the Base pertaining to any and all matters relating to domestic violence between her and her husband.  To act with such blatant disregard of facts which can all be easily verified clearly demonstrates that the court has no interest in uncovering truth where the average mind’s eye might even fear what could be uncovered.  No one wants to believe that someone in the military with over a decade of service is actually capable of heinous acts against their own family and the system meant to protect that family has failed.  A judge that ignores such an easy step, in my opinion, can only show a prejudicial bias against the victims and knowingly turn a blind eye to even mere common sense.

Unfortunately, Wilson’s case is not an isolated incident, according to her former victim advocate counselor Cozetta Blow. Blow worked with Wilson for over a year, and has accepted a position elsewhere to continue in her fight for victims.

“That’s the issue—the military doesn’t take legal action quite often, in terms of domestic violence as much as the civilian world would,” said Blow. “In the military, the alleged batterer can go to behavioral health clinics—instead of getting prosecuted, they get rehabilitative help.”

“Even for multiple repeat offenders, the military continues to let batterers be allowed into the system without any significant repercussions,” said Blow.

“And furthermore, the base doesn’t have to respond to her when she calls and asks for copies of no contact orders or anything else,” added Blow. “When a family member of an active duty member is a victim, they’re not usually the ones to be supported.”  Because active duty members want to protect themselves, victim spouses often find themselves in a difficult situation, “because they find themselves not just battling their spouses, but also their unit, their leadership and the military as a whole.”

“What [Wilson] needs, is something to say that she is protected, or something put in place to protect her, whether it be a no-contact or restraining order,” said Blow. “This unfortunately is common, and I was shocked at the amount of red tape that a civilian victim had to go through to get documentation.”

“This is a very tough case, but there are some significant injustices in the military, and even when a victim has the paperwork to prove that there was substantial adult/child maltreatment against her spouse, she’s still stuck, after a year and a half.”

-HOW THE BASE HANDLES DOMESTIC VIOLENCE REPORTS-

According to 2^nd Lt. William Collette, USAF PAO, 30^th Space Wing, the Family Advocacy Program, as disclosed to a Santa Maria Times Reporter, works to prevent abuse by offering programs to stop domestic abuse. When abuse does occur, the program works to ensure the safety of victims and helps military families overcome the effects of violence and change destructive behavior patterns.

The Department of Defense defines domestic abuse as violence or a pattern of behavior resulting in emotional and psychological abuse, economic control, or interference with personal liberty directed toward a current or former spouse, a person with whom the abuser has a child or a current/former intimate partner with whom the abuser shares or has shared a common domicile. The Family Advocacy Program will get involved when one of the parties is a military member or in some cases, a Department of Defense civilian serving at an overseas installation. The FAP also intervenes when a dependent military child is alleged to be the victim of abuse and neglect while in the case of a DOD-sanctioned family child care provider or installation facility such as a Child Development Center, school, or youth program.

As published by the Department of Defense, the FAP provides education/awareness programs for all members of the military community, including leadership personnel and service members during unit training. A variety of educational programs are available such as classes, workshops and seminars; couples communication, anger management, stress management, effective parenting and conflict resolution, among many others.

When an allegation of abuse or neglect is reported, FAP professionals meet individually with suspected victims, offenders and other family members to gather information about the allegation and the family’s history.

Because abuse can take many forms and varies considerably in degree of severity, the FAP relies on a multi-disciplinary committee to evaluate reported cases and clinical case review team to recommend a program of treatment for victims and abusers.

To protect victims from further abuse, one option is to issue a Military Protective Order (MPO), which can be issued by a military commander and may order the service member to stay away from family members or the home. Commanders can tailor their orders to meet the specific needs of the victim, and the decision to issue an MPO is made on a case by case basis.

However, it still doesn’t explain why they didn’t release a copy of an MPO for Wilson’s case for over a year, which she said she desperately needed in order to get a civilian order put into place, where her husband was and is still continually stalking her, of which I personally have witnessed.

“The military doesn’t protect victims of domestic abuse, and doesn’t hold perpetrators accountable, so I’m still going through custody disputes, can’t get divorced from my husband and I keep enduring all this abuse,” said Wilson. “Is there no solution or stopping the military from continuing to drag this along?”

According to the AFI code 40-301 (involved authority herein), including several levels of staff members and personnel from the military that oversee reports and allegations of abuse, the Headquarters of the US Air Force maintains a central registry of all reported domestic abuse and child maltreatment incidents that meet criteria for maltreatment at the installation Central Registry Board. They then conduct background checks when a maltreatment referral is received to determine the family history on maltreatment/abuse.

The Air Force Chief, Family Advocacy Program branch will make the final decision regarding removal after reviewing all facts of a domestic abuse case. They will then ensure that Department of Defense personnel and contractors in the NPSP receive training on how to identify and report domestic abuse, sleeping environments, in addition to promoting appropriate parenting skills and parent child communication.

They also serve as a subject matter expert consultant on domestic abuse, child maltreatment on Air Force, Family Advocacy procedures to the Headquarters of Air Force and Department of Defense agencies, Office of the Secretary of Defense and other officials.

Installation commanders are also an important part of the process, as they are the ones who form a Family Advocacy Committee.  A Family Advocacy Officer ensures all victims of abuse have 24/7 access to any advocacy agencies, and ensures that all suspected, unrestricted reports of domestic abuse are notified.

The IAW 2014 National Defense Authorization Act, Sec. 1743, ensures encrypted email notification to the Installation CC, to active component DOD alleged offender’s CC and active component DOD victim’s CC of all encrypted email notification to the first officer in the grade of 0-6 and the first general officer or flag officer in the victim’s alleged offender’s chain of command not later than eight days after the unrestricted partner sexual abuse allegation has been made.

Post incidents taken must include issuance of any military protective orders in connection with the incident. They also ensure that command and SF are notified of every civilian and military protective order (due to family maltreatment) when made aware of them.

While Wilson has been issued a no-contact military order from her alleged perpetrator, she fought to get a copy of the order, which there actually exist two now at the present moment.

“It wasn’t given over willingly,” said Wilson. “The base is still denying records, they won’t punish their member for all his criteria that was met, along with the no-contact order violations when he was harassing and stalking me, even all the times I have in person witnesses or times when I’m intentionally on a video call on my dashboard with someone watching me drive with my perpetrator following quickly behind me.”

The military protective order, said Wilson, was “redacted in weird areas, which goes to show how much they’re worried about how much they messed up, and continue to mess up.”

“There’s such a huge flaw in the military dealing with offenders and lack of support and follow-through for victims,” she continued. “There’s always so much cover up since they didn’t properly  handle their own laws—they didn’t willingly hand over the military protective order…it was forced.”

“Without the release of the copy of the military no-contact order, I couldn’t get a civilian no-contact order put into place,” said Wilson. “Without it, I essentially had nothing in my hands to say that I’m protected, and I just kept fearing for my children’s lives and my life.”

“It’s just so difficult for victims or spouses of domestic violence to obtain justice,” said Wilson,  “especially when seeking no-contact orders or any type of documentation to keep me from being threatened—and I can only imagine how many more people out there going through the same thing, but receiving no indication that they’re being heard.”

In desperate attempts to end the nearing 3 year battle to properly divorce her husband, Wilson said she is searching for new ways to seek justice not only for herself but for those to come in the future who may follow in her footsteps, after refusing to protect her children and herself, and for failing to follow their own laws of reprimanding her husband, whom her own Family Advocate counselor has testified multiple times of his allegedly erratic behavior.

With no other place to turn, even after reaching out to Congresswoman Lois Capps’ office prior to the end of her service in the Legislature, and feeling as though everyone was being silenced by the military, Wilson turned to the internet for help. It was there she found solace and comfort from thousands of stories shared from a multitude of military wives who were in the exact same situation as she.

“As much as I’m overwhelmed with gratitude of the support and positive reinforcement I’ve been receiving since I published my petition, it makes me want to scream how everyone’s been silenced all this time, just like I have,” she said. “There shouldn’t be this many people fighting to divorce the military the same way I’ve been fighting for nearly three years.”

While she still feels stuck in the military judicial system, as the civilian court officials don’t believe that she’s in any real grave danger, the fight still goes on for Wilson and her children, as she still needs to divorce her husband, and the military. However, after her social media blast within the first few weeks and the past several months, in addition to the messages she’s been receiving from thousands of women also affected, Wilson’s journey has hit radio airwaves up in Washington, in addition to other radio stations, including RFIR and other news press, who recently invited her to share her story on their segment focusing on the injustices of family law, concentrating on the convoluted process for military families.

“There’s too much that’s silenced by the military,” said Wilson. “It’s definitely an epidemic, but all I can do is keep fighting for my children, who’ve been taken away from me. My judge has literally told me that I am making him lose his job, that I am making things up because why would the military not speak up, and I am ordered that I am not even allowed to call the police or ask for help or he will take further action to remove my kids from me completely.  The military has set my children up for failure and has refused to acknowledge their role in this massive failure of safety for myself and for my children.  It is vicious cycle of wanting to pass the buck."

While Wilson’s plight is not uncommon, the intent is to raise awareness and seek out those who are in a position to correct the many wrongs of red-tape creators, although intending to protect the very name of our Armed Forces, they simultaneously stain the very same by failing to protect their own families.  She further states that federal and state laws made to protect her as an abuse victim are being completely ignored on-base with what appears to be all of the procedural red-tape blocking her civil rights.  Her goal is to ultimately see the rights of victims everywhere receive and meet the same equitable standard both on and off base, as both a military spouse and as a civilian wife.

Mrs. Wilson is only one of many spouses I have thus far had the honor of them sharing their horrific recent lives with me.  My hope in exposing the Military as to these inadequacies will be to raise awareness, create outrage in those not afflicted who have been blind to the reality that exists with someone in front of their very eyes, and to demand action and change to the very practices that have allowed any of this to continue forward.  It is my strong belief, that if I can witness these heinous violations of a person’s reasonable right to privacy, person, and peace, then I myself can lay the foundation to what I too have seen happen.  Witnesses exist, but we should no longer be silent.  When witnesses exhibit fear is when the horror continues.

For anyone wishing to express their support for Ms. Wilson and all military spouses like her, please feel free to join a Facebook Community Page called: “Help Change the Silent Epidemic of Domestic Violence in the Military” which can be found at:  

https://www.facebook.com/Domestic.Violence.In.The.Military/