When it comes to children, we as parents are raised to think up to adulthood that we have a divine right AND duty to protect our children. When one parent engages in actions against the child, then we have a duty to protect or cooperate with authorities when one has been harmed. But what do you do when the obstacle in front of you is one thing only:
The abuser is a service member so Child Protective Service Agencies don't involve themselves according to their policies, regulations, state laws, or even their go to Handbook of procedures.
I have said this before. Family Advocacy is NOT Child Protection Services or a Law Enforcement Agency. That simply isn't their duty. Their duty is to identify and offer assistance services to resolve family conflict, and if necessary find someone meets or doesn't meet criteria for abuse, maltreatment or neglect, with the end intent to seek resources for that military family. HOWEVER, FAO/FAP was in fact passed to serve the military. This is why you will see all personnel in their offices be paid their salaries either by Department of Defense (DoD), be a service member themselves, or receive some pay issued by independent contractors or NaF personnel (Non-appropriated funding). The basic system you need to understand in place is that FAO/FAP has SOME really good people working for them who fight to do their job with intent to protect families and children. Then, there are some base legal offices that simply want them to do their job, but not so well that service members documented conduct begins to stain the service. No sirree we can't have it documented that a service member threatens suicide, threatens to kill a spouse or their children, or even the slight possibility that a service member may actually suffer mental illness so severe that lives are at risk when others are placed in their charge. That just wouldn't appear "appropriate" and the military would be proven to have turned a blind eye. Remember Fort Hood in Texas? Or what about Washington Naval Yard in Crystal City? A Home Grown Military Terrorist is the one to fear the most.
Family Advocates are often Licensed Professional Careers. They are often Licensed Clinical Social Workers, Clinical Psychologists, Clinical Psychiatrists, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapists Careful with this title here because their certifications limit their abilities and often are mistaken when recommendations or determinations are made. You need to familiarize yourselves with what exactly each position or certification held is allowed to legally do.
When a family is identified as being at risk with or without a determination level of risk (low/moderate/high/etc), resources are often offered to the service member. NOTHING can force a service member to willfully enter into services. And if you think the military will hand over documentation on that endangering service member, guess again. They will throw so many obstacles, codes, and regulations back at you in objections all "in the interest of national security" to make the false appearance that the service member has done nothing wrong. It's not intended to make the appearance of innocence but when a parent is trying to protect themselves OR their children, I bid you good luck in getting anyone to document anything on paper.
IF IT ISN'T ON PAPER, THEN IT DIDN'T HAPPEN, RIGHT?
The Armed Forces #1 go to excuse when it comes to reporting and documentation. A spouse and children will be railroaded with obstacles of falsehoods, when the reality says they will actually be safe if the military confirms one simple fact IN WRITING: Has the service member been found responsible for abuse, neglect, or maltreatment, yes or no? Or how about, Has the military issued a military protective order where they felt the interest of the protected parties would be best served and protected if issued one versus not issuing them?
Better yet here let's make this simple:
Is there any policy or regulation that prohibits or precludes the Armed Forces in ANY branch to issue any order, instruction, memorandum, etc. capriciously or arbitrarily? Why yes there is!
So FAP/FAO can be implemented to at risk family members, and cases are left open when the risk cannot be minimized or in the dire circumstance where there is no option: 1. the service member is transferred and the open at-risk file goes with them to their new base installation, or 2. the service member is removed from the service one way or another and the file is closed-out automatically.
But what is supposed to happen when a parent is found to have been abused in the service member/spouse relationship? Good question. Programs and resources are offered. Healing from Trauma Abuse classes can be offered and I have seen them help a great many people. Learning how to value one self after long term abuse can be a difficult task. Gaslighting personalities can certainly make things more difficult. If you aren't familiar with the term "gaslighting" there is a great movie on Netflix actually called "Gaslighting" which is a great demonstration of the effects of gaslighting personalities.
Real Victims have a unique quality about them that cannot be faked. Many will question their actions but the reality is far uglier than ever fathomed in one's mind.
Well, if the parent is abused and it happens in front of children, isn't that also considered child abuse? According to the American Psychiatric Association yes it is. The largest conflict for any family within the FAO/FAP realm is there are ZERO programs implemented to assist an abused family in transitioning and seeking services and help in the family court civilian court system to attribute the breakdown of the family being a result of family abuse having been committed by the service member to the spouse and children. HOWEVER- yes there is that big however. They will happily write anything they choose if the intent is to stain the spouse to protect the service. I could start exposing what I physically have but then safety would become an issue for those who have shared their locations. I will just say this- bases across this nation are quickly targeting spouses to rid themselves of the "nuisance" of having to "deal with" the spouses. But the truth of the issues are often concealed. Abuse and Secrecy will find themselves a new home in your life the second you become a spouse willing to leave. The military won't help you do that. To the contrary, their jobs are directed to "resolve family conflict". In most all cases that results in keeping abused families together. Isn't the goal to reduce abuse and domestic violence? That's what Congress said! The ONLY program I have found value in thus far in my research is the "Healing from Abuse Trauma" programs which are directed to assist a victim abused by their service member spouse to learn their own patterns and behaviors of having accepted gaslighting abuse, psychological terrorism to control their lives, financial abuse, feeling the need to protect and take the blame for the abuser (Stockholm or Battered Spouse). Only the victim and a few choice supporters will be able to assist and understand the real damage that lingers. The victim is not crazy, but the service member spouse will abuse the privilege of the uniform to make it appear that way. After all, they have served "honorably" because the military refuses to refute that with simple truth. I contend that any disciplinary action concealed to address criminal actions (i.e. abuse and maltreatment) is a direct violation of all abuse victim's laws. In California, I would further contend that Marsy's Law would be violated, whether or not a criminal UCMJ conviction has taken place, in addition to a victim's rights to records that exist only to corroborate that abuse or crime against them ever existed at all would be violated in accordance with the Violence Against Women Act (gender of the victim need not apply here).
I thoroughly encourage battered spouses (both physical and mental) to accept resources as a victim. I however will make a safety suggestion. Based on all the policies and practices currently implemented on the daily, as a spouse, if they offer parenting classes, take them OFF Base. Get your referrals to indicate in writing that you are wanting to take and do these other things privately within your own comfort zone. It will become next to impossible to have evidence of anything you do not being associated with the implied "this person did something wrong" mindset. It's an automatic implication if the service member refuses services. What about when it comes to the children? Guess what, go OFF base and get them a forensic psych expert interview. That base will hide any investigation material if it serves to "protect the service" OR even worse, protect the service member from stain on the service. Anything that looks bad on the service member will naturally also look bad on the service. Think about that for a minute before you proceed.
Service member parents must consent to a base forensic psych interview of a child- almost always actually. Why? Because not having our children unduly harmed by the stresses of an interview is a fundamental right to protect. But what about if they really are victims? This is where I see things often cause tears to be shed for real victims on bases.
Child Protective Services will usually have an MoU with the local installation to send all matters regarding service member families back to base command. They will almost never talk to the children according to any standard policy which requires a forensic interview to be conducted.
How does this impact real abused children? If CPS fails to interview the complaining party, refuses to look at any pictures, videos or hard core evidence, then a false perception of innocence is assumed because referring back will always result in an "UNFOUNDED" complaint. No, you read that correct. Unfounded in these situations does not mean innocent or not guilty. In these situations, it actually means a failure to protect a child on the part of the agency due to mere "jurisdictional encroachment" matters.
I see it often. Actually, unless someone very loud speaks up and literally says, you go talk to my kids or else I will sue when something more serious happens to those children, CPS won't help you. In fact, they might even laugh in your face- literally or even come back and refuse to take a report at all. FAP/FAO has the authority to help, but if command dictates to take a step back, that is exactly what they must do.
What is my opinion on the matter? FAO/FAP SHOULD have the authority to take action in these very types of situations BUT I believe that the level of authority on a base installation is already corrupted by everyone reporting everything to the same- one base commander alone controls everything, including base legal in addition to security or military police. The internal corruption goes deeper than any one person. FAO/FAP should be in my opinion entirely independent of the military altogether, however administratively should report their findings to the base command on a regular basis. This way, if base command wants a silence veil, then FAO/FAP would then have the independent authority to tell them GO PACK SAND!
Children across the world are currently being permitted by the military to be in an abuser's care with little to no consequence. Abuse is considered as a "Letter of Reprimand" offense instead of being treated as a corporal crime under the UCMJ. You want to abuse you your children, rip their hair out, kick them in the ribs, leave your children locked outside at dangerous hours alone, grab on their arms or legs leaving marks, hit your children's hands and feet so hard that it makes it hard to walk or write, or how about stalk their other parent chasing them down in a car, literally scaring them- THEN GET OUT OF THE ARMED FORCES AND ROT IN A JAIL CELL- THAT IS CHILD ABUSE
The Clear and Convincing Black and White is all of these things are crimes. How is that such a difficult concept to comprehend. Better yet, why is it so simple to dismiss all because of uniform privileges that are clearly being abused. OSI, NCIS, NIS, CIC, CID, CGIS, FOIA, DoD-IG, SF, PMO, MP, and so forth and all other investigative branch agencies are not meant to protect you the civilian. Don't believe me? I dare you the civilian spouse to ask for a copy of ANYTHING you have participated in. Good Luck because 10:1 ODDs are they will give you the finger, literally, subjectively, or subliminally. Not one submission will ever be without a regulation meant to block your access in some way, shape, form or another. Anything you tell a family court will become hearsay bullshit and your abusers will walk away thinking they just hit the Fort Knox Jackpot. I'm pretty sure that's not what Uncle Sam intended when the famous campaign "we want you" came about.
Although I'm not a huge fan of Dr. Phil, he said something I agree with. If you abuse your child's other parent and it negatively impacts the children, that is child abuse. If you abuse the parent in front of the children, that is child abuse. If your actions to stalk, harass, intimate, etc to the other parent are enough to strike fear in the parent and you do it willfully in front of your children- that is child abuse.
The types of people that know your patterns, know your reactions, think they know how you will respond to an action and are counting on those "personal knowledge actions"- well they have a special name for these types of abusers.
We call these types Cluster Bs and Intimate Terrorists. Terrorizing a Partner or Former Partner is abuse. Moreover, it is abuse to children when they are used as tools and psychological weapons waved in front of the other parent to say:
"I can do whatever I want because nothing is going to happen to me. The military protected itself and by doing so, they allowed this to happen." This is a common arrogant attitude that is expressed in behaviors. By letting the chaos get out of control and only issuing letters of reprimand and administrative punishments of which you the spouse will likely never see or receive a copy of, the Armed Forces have not only permitted but condoned the criminal action throughout the process, not protecting you and certainly NEVER protecting your children.
Good Job America- You just allowed an abuser loose on society and did nothing to stop them. FAO/FAP does NOT stop an abuser. Put them in jail where they belong. UCMJ and every state penal code dictates and mandates criminal punishment. This is dishonorable conduct and conduct unbecoming at best. Continue to allow these abusers to run amok and the only presumption that can result will be that the military wants it this way and doesn't care about crimes against families and crimes against children. You can't have your cake and eat it too. You have to take a stance of uniform action. Take action on crime or defer out to who will. Safety of Children and of victim's gets swept under the rug.
This ultimately is why I believe FAP/FAO will fail, has failed, and why base commands will not take corrective criminal action because they are complicit in these crimes against men, women, and children. They are accessories to these crimes. So then who do you hold responsible? Good Question. More to come...
**Disclaimer: Any Image used where "HER/HIM" is used is solely intended to demonstrate the content shared NOT to give an appearance of gender bias. Anyone who knows me knows I am an equality activist. Images only for impact purposes
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